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  • "I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond." - James Bond's mother, on giving birth to him
    3 hours ago
  • I've always wondered, "Why do only the good die young?". Maybe I should ask my grandparents.
    4 hours ago
  • Someone said "Beauty is only skin deep", and then went on to judge others by their clothes and makeup.
    11 hours ago
  • "When one door closes, another door opens. And then closes, and then opens, and then…" - An Idiot describing a revolving door
    13 hours ago
  • You can achieve anything you want if you're not ambitious enough.
    15 hours ago
  • People with OCD get frustrated when their glass is 51% full.
    15 hours ago
  • Tortoises look like helmets of soldiers have got legs, and are walking on their own.
    17 hours ago
  • Passwords have the most insecure job. They get changed for no fault of theirs.
    1 days ago
  • Life is like a gift. You never get the one you really wanted.
    1 days ago
  • I might delete this tweet in some time. Please make the most of it while you can.
    1 days ago
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